A Normal Day
by Vampireplatypus
Summary: Axel, Demyx, me, my friend Lex. Our mission? Make dinner. Will we succeed? Read to find out. Slight KH/FMA crossover, slight Yaoi reference. Very random. You've been warned. Rated T for...I dunno, language? ONESHOT!


Okay. This is called "A Normal Day" And to understand it, you're gonna have to understand a few things. Me and my friend Lex (eds-my-buddy) have this thing with Kingdom Hearts. Axel and Demyx live with us. It is random, yes, but this is humor. There are little explanations. And, this is a slight Kingdom Hearts/FullMetal Alchemist crossover. But it's mostly KH. So read, review, and enjoy!

ONESHOT! Oh yeah, and Yaoi reference.

"Damn it all, I CAN'T GET ANY WORK DONE!" I screamed to the pyro behind me who was constantly looking over my shoulder.

Axel grinned, a smile lighting up his already-illuminated features.

"Relax kid, it's just Algebra. Ya know, when I was learning Algebra, my teacher really pissed me off. So...one day, when she failed me on a test, they had to find a sub for the next month and a half."

I laughed.

"Yeah right, like you ever went to school. And you couldn't do that to a teacher! How long have you had those chakram?"

"Long enough to know how to use 'em!"

And we argued. Living with a pyro who loves to harass people, and a sitar-playing wimp who controls water isn't always the easiest thing. But we got through it. A knock on the door sounded and Axel rushed to answer it. I sighed.

"Good. Now maybe I can-"

"HEY! Jami! Lex is here!"

I sighed and threw the paper to the floor. My bouncy chibi-obsessed friend came in brandishing a box covered in colorful patterns and Japanese writing.

"LOOK! RAMEN!"

I squealed happily and tore open the box. Lots and lots of cups of ramen, all ready for the microwave. Axel looked down at my abandoned math assignment.

"Kid, you can't litter on the floor. Let me fix that for you."

There was a wave of heat, a flash of light, and a scorch mark smoldered where the paper once was. Axel laughed.

"That was fun! Got any more homework?"

Suddenly a crash and a scream was heard from upstairs. We raced upstairs and couldn't help but laugh.

There stood Demyx, his sitar on the floor, next to a fallen bird cage. The bird that was on top of the cage now resided on his head.

"Jami! Get it off, get it off!"

Before I could get a word out Axel's chakram was alight.

"Hey, why don't we have chicken for dinner?"

I screamed.

"GOD DAMNIT WE ARE NOT HAVING CHICKEN! WE'RE HAVING TACOS, SO GET YOUR OVERSIZED NINJA-STAR AWAY FROM MY BIRD!"

Axel and Demyx sweatdropped. The bird flew away and landed on the curtain rod. All was silent. Then Lex piped up.

"Uhhh, it's a cockatiel."

I glared at her.

"Go get the taco shells."

Demyx went to go make water. I stopped him, grabbing his sleeve.

"Why are you making water?"

He shrugged.

"I want to cook pasta. Let's have noodles!"

Lex grinned.

"I brought ramen!"

He beamed.

"RAMEN!? Ooh, I'll make the water!"  
Axel was right behind him.

"Screw the microwave, can I boil it?"

Lex sped downstairs after them into the kitchen.

"Boil what, the water or the microwave?"

"How about this cat? Can we eat it?"

I smelled smoke. Axel was going pyro again. I sighed and went downstairs to rescue the cat.

"This is gonna be a long day..."

Dinner finally came. As we sat down to the table, I sighed with relief. We hadn't destroyed anything, the animals were safe, the ramen and tacos smelled great. Maybe this would be a successful dinner attempt. Axel kicked my leg under the table.

"Ow! What was that for, smokebomb?"

He chuckled.

"Smokebomb? That's a new one. Let's see, we've got Fireshorts, Hotshot, Flamebreath, Dragonass, and now Smokebomb. You're just full of insults, ya know?"

I snickered. It had become a game, seeing whether me, Demyx, or Lex could come up with a better nickname for Axel. I cautiously slurped a ramen noodle. It was good. Everyone else seemed to agree. Demyx threw his chopsticks in the air and screamed.

"OHMYGOD IT'S A BUG! EWWW, KILL IT KILL IT KILL IT KILL IT KILL IT!"

I looked down into his ramen bowl. A dead spider, torched beyond belief, floated in his ramen. I glared at Axel. He grinned.

"So that's where the spider is. I wonder where the cockroaches ended up."

Everyone froze.

"Cockroaches!?"

We all scrambled to get away from the table. Axel remained sitting, smiling down at the table. A bug was wandering across it. A cockroach. He picked it up by one leg, raised it so it was dangling above his open mouth, and...

"CRUNCH!"

"Oh...my...god."

Demyx was out of the house in less than a second. Me and Lex stared wide-eyed.

"You ate a cockroach!?" we screamed in unison.

Axel smiled. But there was something different about this one. Something...strange. Then suddenly, Axel began to change shape. I gasped as I realized who it was. Not Axel...but...

"ENVY!" I pointed my finger at him. He was smirking.

"Hello. Yes, it was me, not that pyromaniac. So where's the waterboy? Wasn't he just here a second ago?"

Lex ignored the question.

"What have you done with Axel? And where are the other homunculi? And why did you eat a cockroach!?"

He laughed.

"Axel's at an office party, the others are at the same party, and I happen to like cockroaches. You see, Elric hates them, so I find them rather delicious."

I shook my head in disbelief. Then, the door opened and closed. Figuring it was Demyx, I paid no notice. Until...

"Hey, have you guys seen my pants?"

I turned around. There was Axel, in his boxers, holding a beer bottle.

"Damn, that was some party. Oh well, I'll get another pair of pants. Hey...who's Alphonse? 'cause that's what it says on my back.

_Had a lot of fun, here's my number, it's tattooed so you won't forget. You're not the brightest of dates...Love Alphonse._"

First we laughed. Then we recoiled in horror. Then we realized that Envy was gone. THEN we went out to find Demyx. And then we danced the polka and ate carrot cake from Wal-Mart.

Just another normal day.


End file.
